In the Style of My First Love
by Lilly Lane
Summary: Kenny and Butters have been friends since middle school. Kenny loves Butters. Butters loves Kenny, but, although he tries to make it obvious, is oblivious. Until Butters gets a boyfriend that's not Kenny. Boys doing naughty stuff. Lots of drama.
1. Smiles

So how's everyone doing? I know I've been dead for a while now but I'm hoping you'll all forgive me and read my new story.

This is my first South Park fanfic so go a little easy on me. I'm not sure I got there personalities right or not. I don't want to keep you guys waiting so...

ENJOY!

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"_Every time you smile at someone it is an action of love, _

_a gift to that person, _

_a beautiful thing"_

_-_Mother Teresa

- - -

"Kenny McKormic", I look up from my desk when I hear my name coming from the intercom, "Please report to the principle's office. Kenny McKormic to the principle."

All eyes land on me and I shift uncomfortably in my seat. I hear a lot of people whisper that I'm in trouble for sexual harassment again, which can't be true. I haven't flipped a skirt or grabbed an ass for at least a week...and it's killing me.

I look at the teacher for the okay to go and he makes the 'shoo' sign. I get the picture and leave.

As I walk down the halls I think about mu birthday that is coming up. For my sixteenth birthday...

I'm being emancipated.

I imagine that in my mind and get a twisted chuckle out of it. "_Happy birthday Kenny!_" I imagine my mom say "_Now get the hell out!_" What a lovely birthday it will be.

I reach the office and knock lightly before I walk in. I see my high school principle, . The name still makes me laugh even after a year.

"", he says firmly, "Please, sit"

I casually sit down and study him. He doesn't look angry, so I couldn't have done anything wrong. The only question left is...why _am_ I here?

"As you should now",He starts, pulling some papers out, "You are being emancipated at the coming of your sixteenth birthday, so...I need you to sign some papers."

I laugh out loud about the irony in this situation and looks at me with anger. "Is something _funny_, ?"

"Nah", I say, acting cool, "hand me those papers. I'll fill 'em out."

He nods and hands me two or three sheets of paper and pen. "I'll give you some space. I'm just going to get some coffee, If I'm not back when you finish...just be patient."

He closes the door and a laugh escapes my throat. Coffee my perfect _ass_. He's going to go get a quicky in with the school officer . I ponder this for a split second, I mean hey, isn't that bad looking, and neither is .

I laugh again at the reality that really does _suck cocks_. Not that I mind. I mean hell, I'll fuck anyone as long as their not fat as hell. Gender doesn't bother me. If I'm feeling I want muscle I'll fuck a guy. If I'm feeling I want tits, I'll fuck a girl. Being picky is just something I was never taught.

I finish and hasn't come back yet, so I set the papers and pen on his desk and walk out.

The halls are empty, which is no surprise. I walk pass the classrooms; the student in the front are all paying attention, fucking nerds.

Then, and out of nowhere I might add, someone crashes into me and I fall on my ass.

I wince in pain then see no other that Leopold "Butters" Stoch starting to lean over me with his eyes closed, place his hand on the tile next to my hip, turn his head, and start to rub his ass practically _moaning _'ah' over and over again.

My mouth goes dry and I smack my lips. I can feel my pulse quicken; my pants getting tighter. I haven't gotten any in a while, so this is _really_ turning me on.

Too bad he notices me...I was waiting for the 'oo's to start. Instead he stays on top of me and smiles. "Well, hey there Kenny!"

"Hey Butters", I say, my voice sounding a little lustful even though I try not to sound or seem aroused, "ditching?"

"Gosh no!" He tells me getting off my chest, and again, too bad. I wanted him to rub his tight little tush against poor little deprived Kenny Jr. "I was just ah...going t-ta the bathroom."

"But school is over in like...," I stopped to think what time it was when I left office, "half-a-hour."

He blushes. "W-well you see, I can't go t-to the b-bathroom while...other people are there"

"Ah." I get up and hold my hand out to Butters. "Need some help?"

He grabs my hand and I help him up, "Thanks Kenny"

I nod and hide the blush on my face that came from his bright smile under my parka.

I follow him into the bathroom next to a classroom with freshman in it and blushes when he realizes I followed him into the bathroom.

Butters is too innocent for his own good. It just makes you want to corrupt him; make him scream, take that innocent gaze in his eyes and know that it's yours...is that wrong?

Butters looks at me. "Kenny?" I nod as my answer. "Do you have ta use the bathroom too?"

He _wishes_. I just want to see if he'll whip it out in front of me, so I lie. "Yeah, I think I do"

"Oh." he says, his face still flustered. His whole body trembles as he walks to the urinal.-I stand in front of the one right next to his.- His hands shake as he reaches for the button on his pants.

For a split second I pay attention to my own goods and take it out, good thing too 'cause it was getting a little uncomfortable down there.

He takes his out after me, and I take the opportunity to check him out. I tell him I can't go and he doesn't even bother to say anything. When I put it back in my pants it wanted right back out when I looked more at him holding himself, blushing like crazy.

I wash my hands and finally he says "I can't do this with you here."

"It's not like I'm watching you, Butters." '_anymore_' "If you don't get to class soon you'll get in trouble"

This must have stuck a cord with him because he starts peeing as soon as I finish my sentence.

He finishes and washes his hands then gives my a big hug "bye Kenny!"

He walks out of the bathroom and I lock the door, I like my privacy, thank you.

- - -

The bell rings soon after I finish and I head home. The first thing I see is my mother pacing in and out of my room; she's crying...

I should feel bad, but I don't. I don't even quite understand _why_ she's crying, so I walk to my room and ask, "Mom, are you okay?"

"Oh son!" She yells grabbing me by the arm and pulls me into a tight hug. "I'm gonna miss you _sooo_ much!"

She's sobbing into my chest and the only thing I can think of is the fact that she's getting my parka wet. I _should_ feel sympathy, maybe cry a little myself, but how can I? This person is going to kick me out of my _home_ and make me suffer in the real world. Not that I don't already know what the real world is like.

I pat my mother on the back and tell her everything is okay; her sobbing gets worse and she starts blubbering about how she 'loves' me so damn much and she doesn't want me to leave. If she didn't want me to leave she would let me stay. Not that I _like_ this shit-hole anyway.

- - -

At about nine a-clock my dad comes busting through the door yelling; he's drunk. He starts yelling at my mom and she starts yelling back and I hate it.

I sneak out my window and head out. I need some release.

I meet a girl with big tits and an annoying voice near the park. He name is Selena and she and her father are on a cross-country road trip. South Park just happened to be their pit stop for tonight.

We talk for a while and I learn she's sixteen and wants to be a nurse when she grows up. I steer the conversation to sex and I start touching on her body; she lets me. I end up fucking her in the tube slide. Funny, I remember avoiding going down that slide when I was younger for exactly that reason.

I finish up and she puts her clothes back on blabering about something I don't care about. She pulls a pen out of her pocket and tells me to call her before she leaves. She_ wishes_.

I linger around the park for a while after she leaves. I leave after I get bored and go to the first familiar house _ugh_..._Cartman_.

I climb up the side of his house and to the window. I knock gently and I see him come to the window, thank _god_ he isn't asleep. He opens the window and scowls at me. "What do you want poor boy?"

I ignore the name calling and ask, "Let me use your shower."

"Fuck another whore?"

I wink at him. "Nah. Your mom already had company."

"Aye! You better watcher your damn mouth before I close this fucking window!"

"Alright, Alright. Let me in." He moves out of the way and I enter his room. "I'm gonna take a shower, alright?"

He waves his hand at me "Yeah yeah, Just don't get your poor germs all over my bathroom."

I smile and tell him I'll try before exiting the room walking down the hall.

His moms not home, I can tell. The TV's not on and there's no sobbing coming from her room. God Cartman is such an awful child. His mother's never looked at him the same since she discovered all the bad shit he did. Poor woman, but it _is_ kind of her fault for raising that terrible child. I'm not exactly sure where the racism came from, but I'm pretty sure it's because his mother never taught his tolerance. At least my mom raised me on the idea that like it or not their there and there's nothing you can say or do to change it.

I reach the bathroom and the close and lock the door. As I take my shower I start thinking about where I'm going to spend the night; I can't stay here because well...honestly because I don't _want_ to. I don't see who _would_ want to spend the night with Eric Cartman (Except maybe Butters but he's so blindly innocent it's almost creepy) I don't care _how_ fit Cartman is since his mom made his lose weight, Cartman will always still be that fatass, spoiled rotten brat in my eyes. No exceptions.

I get out of the shower and open the door to clear the steam. I notice a small pile of neatly folded clothes on the floor with a note on top. I pick it up and it reads:

_Here are your clothes from last time you showered here._

_Don't leave your shit here anymore_

_-Cartman_

I smile and set the note on the sink; grabbing the clothes and they consist of: a wife beater, and a pair of beat up jeans.

I get dressed and head back to Cartman's room slipping my dirty clothes into Cartmans' mom's laundry bin.

Cartman is sitting at his computer desk playing WoW when I walk in. "Having fun?" I tell him and he must have not noticed me because he jumps three stories when I speak.

"Jesus _Christ_ Kenny!" He yells at me. "You scared the crap out of me you poor piece of shit!"

I roll my eyes at him. "Yeah yeah." I open the window and as I climb out I tell him, "Thanks for letting me use your shower dude."

When I climb down I start thinking again about where I'm going to spend the night. Stan and Kyle are out of the picture because their probably screwing like bunnies right now. I think I'm the only one that knows about them right now. Their pretty good at hiding it but nothing eludes the great Kenny McKormic. I notice the looks they give each other; their 'accidental' touches. If you look closely it's very obvious.

But Stan and Kyle aren't the main paring here so let's focus on me.

More people fill my mind. Craig?...no, he's probably making Tweek twitch more than usual about now.(God! Why is everybody pairing up now? It's high school for Christ's sake! High school is for waking up with a hangover next to complete strangers! _Not_ for being all sweet and lovey-dovey...Makes me sick...) I need to think of someone who's not banging someone's brains out right now...

Two names come to mind: Clyde and Butters. Clyde? I don't think so. Why? Just...no okay? Butters...I highly doubt he'll let me in, but it _is_ worth a try.

I head off to Butters' house, hoping he'll let me in. When I get to his house I jump the fence and look at the back of the house. Butters' window is open and he's looking out at the sky.

"Butters!" I yell loudly. "Hey! Butters!"

He jumps and falls back; I chuckle at this. He climbs back up and his eyes widen when he looks down. "Kenny?"

"Yeah", I answer him with a gin on my face, "Let me up."

"Oh I dunno Kenny, I'm not supposta let people in without permission"

I bite my tongue to resist yelling at poor Butters. "Butters please, I don't have anywhere else to go."

He starts rubbing his knuckles together. "But Kenny I-"

"Please?" I really do hate begging people for things, but I know it's the only way he'll let me in. (Butters is too soft, he breaks easily.) I want to tell him I'll make it worth his while, but I won't dare. It'll scare him. I hide the smile I get from this thought behind my parka.

Butters looks at me like he's making a life or death decision, and knowing his parents...he probably is...Finally he tells me, "Hold on."

I stand outside for a very short time waiting for Butters but while I do I look to the sky to see what Butters was so mesmerized with. And no sooner did I look in the sky I was mesmerized myself. A big blue orb hung in the sky like a sapphire. I mean I've heard about being able to see planets in the sky but _damn_ this thing was huge! I'm pretty sure it was Venus because I _think_ it's the only planet close enough to earth to be seen that's blue.

Unfortunately, -for the description anyway- all my staring is interrupted by Butters' singsong voice. "Ta-da!" He motions me to come inside. "Hurry Kenny!"

I rush in and no sooner did I enter Butters shushes me before I can speak a word. "Don't speak, okay?"

I open my mouth to say okay, then realize I had just been told _not_ to speak, so I shut my mouth and give him a quick nod.

He leads me to a room that looks like it belongs to a child and is only lighted by a small night light. The walls are a bright shade of blue; there's an about medium sized toy chest in the far corner of the room. The bed is actually the only thing that remotely looks like it could belong to a teenager. His bed is large, probably queen sized, and the blanket, as well as the pillows, are black and red checkered.

"Nice bed." It's the only compliment I can think of. I couldn't tell him "nice toy chest" or something because I'm scared he'll think I'm making fun of him and kick me out.

Butters' face brightens at my compliment. "Y-ya really think so?" I nod and he flops onto the bed and pats the spot next to him. "Come, sit! I-it's real comfortable." Normally I would object, (I wouldn't want to scar poor Butters with all the nasty things I would do to him if we were in a bed together) but I'm really tired.

I walk over and as soon as my ass hits the mattress I'm ready to knock out. His bed is so comfortable! I kick off my shoes and lay on the bed and Butters laughs and tells me he told me so.

Next thing I know he crawls over to me -hot- and lays next to me. He smiles and says softly, "I'm glad you came, Kenny. I was getting real ah..._lonely_."

"But don't you usually sleep alone?"

He blushes. "We-well yeah but...I ah...get lonely s-sometimes and tonight I guess was just one of those nights!"

I nod. "How do you cope?"

"Well usually I just force myself to sleep c-cause I really don't like sleeping by myself ", he explains and I get a sour feeling in the pit of my stomach, "But tonight you showed up, so I guess I'm lucky!"

"Hey." I say, beginning to change the subject. "How come you don't go out with anybody?"

He looks at me with his eyebrow raised and asks me what I mean. "I _mean_ how come your not seeing anybody. Ya know, like how come you don't have a boyfriend?"

I remember the day when Butters came out of the closest; nobody cared. And _that_ was because everybody already _knew_ Butters was gay, he took a little longer to catch on.

He stays silent so I continue, "I could set you up with someone if you want."

"No!" He cuts me off. "I'm sorry, it's just...Th-there's someone I got my eyes on and w-want ta try and get c-closer to him."

This sparks my interest. "Really? Butters the innocent has a crush...hm, who would have guessed, huh?"

He looks at me, I can tell he's a little ticked. "W-well what's so bad about that? Is it so wrong that I like someone?"

"No", I tell him, "I think it's cute. Little Butters, all riled up by someone. _Too_ cute"

"I'm not little!" He says a little loud then covers his mouth. His hand falls and he continues in a low whisper, "I'm more grown up than you think!"

I smirk. "You say it as if _I'm_ the one you like."

His eyes widen and then he smiles. "A'course not Kenny! I know you would _never_ be with someone like me! Even if I _did_ like you, I would have no chance with you so why try, right?"

His words pierce my heart like a spear and it _hurts_. I start to angry, but I play his cruel words off as a joke, "Maybe I would consider it, but we come from two different world right? It would never work."

I turn away from Butters and tell him that I'm going to sleep; he hugs me. "You're the greatest. Ya know that Kenny?"

I'm still a little mad but I bite my tongue and say "Well...maybe not the _greatest_." in a fun tone.

I feel his lips curl into a smile on my back and it makes me feel warm inside. Butters is just one of those people you can't stay mad at. He's too affectionate, too nice, to innocent to be mad or upset with.

I turn and wrap my free arm over his body. He smiles and scoots closer and it feels..._right._

_

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_

So how was it? Was it good, bad, terrible? I wont know unless you review so please do! The next chapter will be up soon(Soon means I don't know when) so please be patient!

I've been totally bored and stuff and I just recently got into South Park pairings so...yeah. At first it kinda creeped me out because I would've never thought there were people who _liked_ this stuff and now here I am so..._yeah._ I'm kinda mad because I always have to wait _forever_ for new episodes of _Daisy of Love_(It's one of my guilty pleasures, so sue me.) but like you guys _I have _to be patient so bleh.

I'll stop bothering you guys now.

Review and junk, kay?


	2. Love is Like Hate

Okay Here's Chapter two, I was shocked at how easy it was to write this chapter. Ususally it takes me about a long time to write one chapter, maybe I've just been inspired or something. But I've got to say the end of this chapter was fun to write. Not fun for you guys but fun for me.

I'll stop bugging you guys now...

**ENJOY!**

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"_If we are to judge love,_

_it more nearly resemble hatred_

_than friendship."_

_- Francois De La Rochefoucauld_

- - -

When I wake up the next morning the first things I notice are: A) Butters legs are curled with mine and his body is pressed so close with mine it's like were conjoined twins B) His head is in the crook of my neck and C)...he has morning wood.

I turn facing Butters to make the situation less awkward, -and more enjoyable- but he wraps his free leg around my waist and smashes his hard-on against my crotch. Both he and I gasp. This feels _great_ but then I look at the person doing it...It's Butters. I can't do this, not to Butters. Why? Because...because...Because it's Butters!

He gives my package another rub and shutters. "Oh..._golly_"

I laugh silently. He even watches his language in his _dreams_. But! Now is not the time laughing! He's still on me and it's...pretty uncomfortable.

"Oh god, oh shit. Butters!" I tell him, nudging his unconscious body. "Common, Butters wake up!"

He stirs and this time I shake him. "Butters! Come on, wake up!"

He turns facing the ceiling and gently opens his eyes. "Mm..." He sits up and looks down at me. "Kenny?"

"Um, _yeah_." My voice cracks from nervousness at the '_yeah_'. "Um...do you need to use the bathroom?"

He looks down and turns bright red. "Uh...._yeah_. Oh boy. This is awkward, huh?" I nod slowly and he turns to get out of bed. Before walking out he turns to me and says, "I'll get you something to eat after I..._finish_, okay?"

"Uh, yeah. That's okay"

The door closes and all I can think about is Butters sitting on the toilet masturbating. _Tons_ of questions poor into my head. What...no who is he thinking about? Who was his dream about? Who is he crushing on? Wait....why do I care? These questions are burning into my _soul_ but its not like I can go up to Butters and ask him who he's getting off to. Well I _could_ but I probably wouldn't get an answer.

I lay back down and try to think of something else but only two things are in my mind and _neither _of them I want to think about: My emancipation, and Butters beating his meat, so I clear my mind to try and relieve some stress.

Only moments later, Butters comes back in with a bowl of cereal. His smile is wide and his eyes are innocent as if nothing lewd or sexual ever happened between us.

He places the bowl of cereal down on my lap. "Eat up Kenny, it's Friday and ya don't want ta be all pooped out!"

"Yeah", I tell his as a warm smile falls over my face, "I'll make sure"

Butters leaves again to shower and I start eating; savoring every bite. I haven't really eaten anything in at least a week besides what I can bum off my friends at school. It isn't sweet or fancy or anything like that, just regular _Raisin Bran_, but it tastes so good.

Butters comes back in with his bangs clung to his forehead and a bowl of oat meal in his hands. "My parents are up." He tells me flatly.

He's acting as if that statement he just made was _just_ a statement, but I know it's not. "And you want me to leave because they'll ground you for letting me stay the night."

His spoon drops, sinking slowly into his bowl through his thick oat meal. He stutters a lot of jibber-jabber before finally saying, "well..._yeah_."

It saddens me a little and I look down at my empty bowl. "Alright."

I sit on the edge of the bed and comb my fingers with my hair as Butters takes our bowls to kitchen. I reach for my parka just as Butters walks back in te room. I can tell he feels bad about kicking me out. "Kenny?" I nod. "If you wait at the corner I'll meet you there and we can walk to school tagether." Blush quickly covers his cheeks. "...uh ya know...if you _want_ to, I mean, ya don't have ta i-if you ah...don't _want_ to."

"No, I want to." I assure him, zipping up my parka, putting on the hood, and pulling the drawstrings tightly shut. "I'll meet you at the corner then, kay?" He nods and I climb out the window.

My boots hit the snow and make an all too familiar crunching sound. I head to the corner just as the South Park Elementary School bus passes by. Ah, the fond memories I had there...of course I never made it to the end of the day back then so maybe their not _fond_ memories.

And now that I think about it dying everyday wasn't exactly pleasurable, considering most of the time I got smashed or blown up. I was even killed by disease! No one could _ever_ know what it's like to be me. _No one_.

Middle school was a little better for me. I didn't die as much, once a week, twice on occasion. People started noticing me, I lost my virginity in eighth grade in the boys locker room!...okay that last one I'm not too proud of, but god dammit I lived! I got to see the sun set, I got to go to sleep at night without worry that I would die and god dammit I was pretty much free! -I stopped dying freshman year when Butter and me started becoming good friends- Free form that damn death curse Satin and his faggot ass put on me. Sure not completely free but I was _tasting_ freedom. And I never wanted anything more.

"Kenny!" Butters' sweet sugar coated voice yells to me from halfway down the street, breaking me from my thoughts. "Kenny!" He yells again and I wave. He reaches me and gives my a sweet, girly hug. Ya know, in many ways Butters would be a lot better off if he was a girl. Maybe that's why he pulled that cross-dressing thing off so well.

We get walking and he asks me, "Kenny?" I nod as my answer. "Where's your backpack?"

"Wah? My backpack?" He nods and I simply reply, "Don't got one."

He gasps. "Well why not?"

"Butters", I tell him calmly before continuing angrily, "I'm _broke._ Not poor, broke. _Broke_ people, like me, can barley afford_ food_ let alone a backpack."

"Oh." Is all he says. He looks embarrassed now. I feel bad.

"_Oh_ It's alright." I swing my arm around him and pull him tight. "You just love asking questions, I know."

He looks up at me and smile, making my heart feel warm when it's ten degrees below freezing. Never noticed much how sweetly Butters looked at me before..._weird._

"Hey Butters", I say to try and break the silence. He nods, "What were you lookin' at last night?"

His head turns slightly and he asks, "Whadda ya mean?"

"That big blue thing in the sky last night...what _was_ that?"

He makes an 'o' with his mouth, clearly getting what I'm talking about. "Oh _that_? That was Venus."-I knew it!- "It's ben _real_ clear in the sky lately. Somebodies _bound_ to fall in love with that thing so close to Earth. Kinda excitin', eh Kenny?"

So that stupid _planet_ is the reason all my friends keep pairing off? God I wish I could shoot that thing out the sky about now.

"I guess." I tell him nonchalantly with my head turned to the side and my arms folded behind my neck. "What's so great about love anyway?"

Butters gasps, are my questions and opinions _that_ shocking? "What's so great about _love?_ Only everything Kenny!"

"Yeah I like what?" I scoff.

"Like...", he takes a moment to think, "Like having someone to be there for you, or someone who'll love you no matter what, or someone who wants to cuddle instead of having sex all the time, or even-"

"Alright I get it!" I finally explode, who needs _love_? I can get the special kind of 'love' without having to try hard at all! "I get it Butters, love is important to you, whooptie fucking doo."

I shove my hands in my pockets and walk ahead. Not even bothering to look back at Butters.

- - -

At school I start feeling bad for Butters I mean all he did was try and tell me his point of view. I'm not exactly sure _why_ that bothered me so much. So Butters wants a lover instead of a fuck buddy, why should I care, right? Maybe I should come to terms with myself before I start worrying about Butters...

The bell rings for second period(We only have four) and I head to science class. And since Butters and I are lab partners, I take the opportunity to try and talk to Butters. Unfortunately, Butters hasn't spoken to me this whole period. I'm pretty sure he isn't talking to me because he's scared of me right now.

"Butters", I finally say in the last few minutes of the period, "I'm uh... sorry about this morning. I don't know what made me so angry, honestly I don't."

Butters sighs, placing down his pencil. "Kenny?" I nod; he hugs me. "Yay! I'm so glad your not mad at me no more!"

He releases me. "I'm sorry too Kenny", I smile at this, "I should'ta got so angry about it."

"It's alright."

The bell rings, cutting into our sentimental moment, and twenty-eight sophomore students rush out the door to get lunch; there are thirty students in the class. Butters and I are the only ones that take are time getting out of the classroom. I don't have money, and Butters doesn't eat lunch because I can't.

We walk over to our usual lunch table and find two hatted teenaged boys practically _screwing_ each other with their eyes. It's Stan and Kyle. I'm still a little confused about id they're still trying to hide their relationship or not, because by the look of this scene...I'd say they're going public about their gayness any second now.

I sit down and their eye fuck stops and two pairs eyes land on me. One pair is brown, the other is green. "So...How's South Park's gayest couple?"

"Oh go luck one Kenny!" Kyle yells at me; the only thing I _can_ do is laugh.

"Maybe I will, maybe I wont. I mean hey, I'm not picky" I smirk and turn my head over towards Stan. "Hey Stan, why don't you give me a call later?"

"Fuck you!" He spits back.

"Now your gettin' it!"

"I'm gonna go talk to Clyde." My head turns around fast enough to get whip lash and I see Butters, looking at a conversation he can't enter. "Is that okay Kenny?"

"Yeah, that's fine. Snag his chips for me, kay?" Clyde always has chips and he always gives 'em to Butters, then Butters gives them to me. It's a proses.

"Okay, See ya Kenny!" He smiles at me before turning and walking away.

Kyle snorts and says, "And you call us gay."

"Yeah yeah. Butters and I aren't even dating. So how could we be gay?" Stan and Kyle both roll their eyes at me; I ignore it. "And besides, I'm not gay, I'm _bi_:"

Stand decides to speak this time, probably speaking for Kyle since he's ready to explode. "Sure you and Butters aren't dating _officially_, but lets face facts here Kenny...Everybody _thinks_ you two are...and what does being bisexual change?"

I sigh, laying my arms on the on the table. "Well first: Even if I _did _like Butters he has his innocent little blue eyes on someone who _isn't_ me. And two: being bisexual has everything to do with me not dating Butters! I like both males _and_ females and unless something changed there from the last time Butters and me showered in gym class...I don't think he's a herm."

"You and Butters shower together in _gym_?!" Kyle blurts out and a couple people stop to stare.

Stan gives his partner a light shove before saying, "That's not the point!" He leans in. "Butters has a crush on someone? W-well who?"

"I dunno, I didn't ask. All I know is that it isn't me" I say, a touch of annoyance in my voice. Wait, why does Butters not liking me annoy me?

"And that makes you angry?" Kyle says, joining the conversation.

"Look guys, Butters and I aren't dating and I _don't_ like him, got it?"

"Somebody sounds a little annoyed, does Kenny have a little crush?"

I whip my head back and see no other than Eric Cartman standing with a high and mighty look on his face. I scow. "What do _you_ want Cartman? Shouldn't you be with Wendy?"

Cartman and Wendy started dating during eighth grade when Cartman stopped being a fatass and turned into a jock. Don't ask why because I don't know. No body knows what went wrong with Wendy the day she asked Cartman out, it's just another insane and unexplainable thing that happened in out happy little town.

"She made me eat lunch with her then told me she had to go to a meeting with her dumb little feminist hippies." Cartman walks over to our table and takes a seat next to me. "So what's up?" He looks at Kyle. "Jew" Stan. "Fag." Me. "Slut."

Kyle answers for all of us "Not much muscle headed Nazi. You?"

"Kyle." Stan warns him giving him a look, but Kyle completely brushes it off.

"Woah Kyle, easy or your red jew hair might catch fire"

This sets Stan off. "Shut up Cartman! Don't you have you jock buddies to hang-out with, or do they hate you too?"

Cartman folds his arms and smirks. "Actually _no_, they don't hate their star player so screw you guy, I've got better friends!"

He swings his legs from underneath the table, gets up, and walks away. We all share a sigh "Thank god he left" Kyle says, taking a drink of his bottled water. "Why does he feel the need to bug us if his jock friends are _sooo_ great?"

"He's a fly." Is all I say.

- - -

After school I usually stay a little late to see if anyone wants to hook up or mess around, but today... no luck.

I walk to the outside of the school and see Butters sitting on the grass. I go over to him and sit down "What're you doing here by yourself?"

He jumps a little at the sound of my voice and turns to me. "H-heya Kenny, my parents are picking me up. So ah...I'm waiting."

I nod. "How long ago was that?"

His pulls up his sleeve and looks at his _Hello Kitty_ watch. "A- about half-a-hour ago, so...a-a little after school got out."

My fists tighten and I can feel myself getting angry. "I _hate_ the way they treat you."

He smiles sadly and tells me, "I-I know Kenny, But there isn't much I can do! I-I mean they're my parents."

I roll my eyes. "Because they totally act like parents. Come sit on the bench with me, the ground is hurting my ass."

"Okay"

We get up and walk over to a blue bench with tiny holes in it; Butters is the first to speak up. "I got your chips..."

He unzips the first pocket of his backpack, pulls out a bag of _Doritos_, and hands them to me. "Thanks Butters"

Butters is so sweet...and kind...and _beautiful_. Is that the right word? Hm...maybe I do like him...

"So how's that crush of yours?" I tell him, it hurts my chest to think that Butters wants to hang around someone other than me, but I _have_ to know.

His eyes brighten. "It's going _great_! I asked Clyde out at lunch and he said yes!"

I stand up, and punch Butters in the face.

* * *

I guess that was kinda supposta be a cliff hanger? I dunno I suck at that kind of stuff, so sue me.

Review and suff, kay?


	3. Beginnings and Endings

Uhh, okay. I'm _really_ sorry this took so long. I was planning my procrastination...ness wouldn't resurface in this fic, so...Sorry. I feel really guilty about it too because this chapter explains the title.(Kenny's first love) So...

Enjoy!

* * *

"_The hottest love_

_has the coldest end."_

_-Socrates_

- - -

It's been exactly a week since I hit Butters. I still don't regret doing it. Clyde has been giving me funny looks in class, probably because I knocked out his boyfriend, but I don't care, he deserved it.

Butters wont talk to me in science class anymore, it's strange because that's usually when we talk the most. He mumbles this and that like lab results or answers, but nothing else.

My chest hurts when I think about how Butters is so angry at me, but I refuse to say sorry because my manly pride wont let me. I think I'm starting to get how Stan felt when Wendy broke up with him for the first time: Pain, misery, depression, just a few feelings I've felt this last week...and I don't like them. Maybe I should give the goths a visit. Then again...maybe not.

- - -

In the end, I do end up giving the goths a visit during lunch break. They're all standing in the back of the school, smoking cigarettes. I haven't had one since Butters convinced me to stop smoking in general,(I used to smoke weed too) and I think I'm craving one now. Damn those stupid goth kids.

The tall one is the first to speak, "What do you want?"

"I uh...need some advise." God, I sound so stupid. Maybe I should just leave...

Henrietta makes a 'tch' sound and rolls her eyes, "Go live your pathetic conformist life, shrouded in lies and poverty, just leave us out of it."

"Look, I don't have anywhere else to turn. One of the only people who matters to me in this world wont talk to me: he's scared of me and...I don't know what to do." Why am I spilling my just to the stupid goths? Man, I _am _pathetic without Butters.

The red and black haired one speaks next, "Do you feel a monster?" I nod. "Do feel cornered by your own actions?" Another nod. "Do you feel alone in a world that's completely different from you?"

The last one leaves me a bit confused, but I decide to answer, "I guess...No one in this town really cares about the poorest kid in South Park. It's kinda...lonely."

"And Dark?" The small one says.

"Well..._yeah_. I mean, to everyone else I'm just that shit broke slut that'll sleep with anyone...wait a second..." I say, understanding the situation. "I'm _not_ joining you faggy goth kids! I know it's like to die and trust me, it's not pretty. Satin isn't a very nice guy either, a whiney little bitch maybe, but not nice."

The tall one nods. "So your kid who keeps dying and coming back to life. We've wanted to meet you for too long Kenny McKormic."

"So" Henrietta begins, taking a long taking long drag of her cigarette, then exhaling slowly, "what's hell like?"

"Well...it's kinda like earth...except your being ruled by the what could be the gayest man to ever be. He picks favorites for who he wants to torture too, it's not that bad actually. Oh! And only Mormons go to heaven."

"Wait", The red one says, dropping his cigarette, "_that's_ eternal damnation? I'd rather go to hell than be with douche-y little Mormons."

"Yeah, it seems the bible really over exaggerated Hell, it's not all that bad actually. The bad part is dying: you float up to Heaven and see all your desires then falling down to Hell and see the lake of fire." Explaining death is nothing like actually dying. It's much worse, trust me. "Well, I never got my help so I guess I'm on my own. Ta!"

I walk away and hear a faint 'well shit.' from the little goth. Fucking douche bag goths, they're never any help.

- - -

It's like Butters is hiding from me and the world or something because I haven't seen him, and no one else has seen him. I'm hoping Clyde hasn't convinced him into doing something he doesn't want to do.(I'll kill him if he did) I've looked everywhere, but I can't find him. I even went and checked all the bathrooms...

God I need help.

But who do I turn to? The goths just tried to convince me to join them, if I go to the school councilor she'll probably make it worse, and I doubt Stan or Kyle will be of any help. Where do I go? Who do I go _to_? Why Butters so important?!

"Well howdy Kenny!"

And with that, my thoughts are broken. My worries are pushes aside, and I feel great. I look up and see Butters, smiling at me like he always does; I can't help but smile myself. "Hey...Butters."

"Look", he says, wagging his finger at me; I'm getting a lecture, "I'm still a little sore at ya fer punchin' me like that. It wasn't nice, ya here me?" I nod. "On the other hand, I don't like my friends bein' mad at me, so I want ya ta-ta apologize to me...okay?"

A smile forms on my mouth. I have to admit, I feel really good about Butters not wanting to be mad at me anymore. Even though I'm still a little pissed off at him being with Clyde. "Okay." I agree, better to have Butters for a little while then not have him at all. "I'm sorry I hit you. It's just...to be honest, I don't really think Clyde is right for you."

"Well, why not?" He asks me, his eyebrow raised.

"He's someone I've hooked up with before...he-he's a slut Butters. He's not someone I think you should be around."

He stops to think, trying to understand the situation. "But Kenny...wouldn't that make you a slut too?"

"No", I explain, "I have standards, sluts don't."

"Oh...well...I better get to goin', class is gonna start soon." He holds out his hand, "Bye Kenny."

I look at his hand then Butters, hand, Butters, hand, Butters. "What, no hug?"

"Oh...well Clyde says that I'm not supposta hug other people cause that would make me a 'no good two timin' whore."

I smirk and mutter under my breath, "So's his mom, but that's not stoppin' her."

"What?"

"What?" I quickly reply back.

He smiles, "Oh, I uh...thought you said something."

"Nope..."I decide to change the subject before things get too awkward and he decides to walk away. "So no hugs?"

His smile quickly drops to a frown, he _wants_ to hug me, but his dumb ass boyfriend wont let him. "No, I sure am sorry Kenny."

"No it's okay." I assure him. "I'll see you later then, alright?"

His smile returns, brighter than ever. "Okay! Later then." He starts to walk away, then quickly turns, "Oh and Kenny", he smiles so sweetly I blush bright red behind my parka, "Happy birthday! G-good luck in your new apartment!"

He waves and keeps going about on his way; I watch him until he completely out of site.

Not long after Butters leaves, I see Cartman dressed up like Ace Ventura...I _really_ don't want to know.

When school gets out for the day, I see Clyde and Butters sitting to close for my stomach to handle, Clyde is looking too sweetly at Butters to control my rage, and the worst part...Butters looks _happy_.

My fists clench together so tight my knuckles start turning white and I turn and punch the first thing in sight...a cream painted cement wall. The paint cracks a little at my punch, but I'm not worried about that. I'm worried about the gigantic pain in my right hand.

I bite my lip to stop myself from screaming like I want to, but ya know, at the same time, the pain feels kinda good. I feel the same inside and out: hurt. Maybe this is what those emo's feel. Heh, fucking whiney bitches. Not me, so no emo shit.

I don't want to mess around with anyone for the first time in three years. The only person I can think about is Butters. I've only felt like this one other time, and she was the first person I fell in love with.

Her name is Vera Beaumont(I say '_is_' because she's probably still alive) and she probably still lives in Cherry Creek. _She_ was the first person I even loved.

I met her when she and her parents came down to South Park for a geek convention. She loves all that anime crap and marvel comics. Actually, the day that I met her Cartman had dragged me to said geek convention to see if anyone still knew 'The Coon', and don't be alarmed but when I first met her...all I wanted from her was to get in her pants. I mean, hey, for a geek, she's gorgeous. Her dark black hair, eyes that were almost black but still had a faint tint of brown in them, and her olive colored skin she inherited from her Mexican mother. Vera was everything in my eyes.

I approached her like I do most people I'm trying to hook up with: with my hood down. I took a deep breath before talking to her calmly and suave. "Hey, what's someone as pretty as you doing in a place like this?"

She simply rolled her eyes. "H'yeah. Look" she pointed her finger at me, "If you get any closer I'm screaming 'rape' as loud as possible."

"Hey, hey miss touchy", I told her my hands raised up; showing her I had nothing on me, "Sorry I complimented ya. Guess that's bad at these things, huh?"

"I'm sorry." Vera told me, her eyes fled to the floor as she did. "I'm just a little mad my parents expect me to get home by myself."

"Well...where do you live?"

She sighed. "Cherry Creek."

"Well, well", I said with a smirk, "I got myself a rich one here."

She rolled her eyes again and said, "Don't flatter yourself. We inherited the house and dough from my grandma."

"What'd ya do with the inheritance money?"

She and I began walking through the South Park Convention Center. "We're using that to pay for the house. It's already been fully paid off, and all the other things like power and water we don't use much of, so were set for life."

I nodded, my interest growing. "So what do your parents do?"

"My mom is a cubical bee and my dad is a mechanic."

"Cool." I turned to her and held out my hand, "I'm Kenny McKormic."

She shook my hand, returning te gesture. "I'm Vera Beaumont."

After that I stared spending a lot of time with Vera, about every other day I'd go all the way to Cherry Creek just to see her. She was(past tense for reasons I'll reveal as they come) so interesting and we had so many things in common. She loved cars due to that fact her dad was a mechanic, and I loved them because I've always loved NASCAR. She loved scary movies and movie theater popcorn like I did. She never ran out of things to say. She was such a passionate person about what she did, a little overbearing sometimes, but I loved every little detail of her...and the thing that made me love her the most...she loved _me_. She didn't care that I was dirt poor or that I was a slut, she was just happy I was with her. I thought we had a mutual love...but I was very _very_ wrong.

I went over to her house that day to watch movies like we normally did on Thursdays, and the credits of _Boogie Man_ were rolling. The movie...actually wasn't that scary.

"Vera..."I said, my gut filled with butterflies. I swung my arms around her. "I love you."

She smiled the sweetest smile I had ever seen, the kind of smile only Vera made, and hugged me back. "I love you too Kenny",And at that moment, I felt okay. I felt like I wasn't broke, like I was still a virgin, like...I was loved, but as soon as she finished, my dreams were crushed, "You're the greatest friend I could ever ask for."

"...Vera...", I could hardly speak, it felt like my mouth was full of peanut butter, 'friend'? That's all I was to her? "M-maybe this will show you what I mean." I leaned my head in and captured her lips, it felt like no other thing in the world to kiss Vera, it was...perfect.

But our kiss was short lived, her head quickly darted back and she yelled at me, "Kenny! What the hell?!"

"I love you Vera" I said in my defense. "And I can't stand it anymore!" I pulled her tight again. "Please, I love you."

She pushed me away from her; my heart shattered into a million pieces when I looked into her eyes...

I saw fear.

"Kenny" ,She said calmly, "I think you should leave."

"But Vera-"

"I SAID LEAVE!!" She screamed at me and I panicked, I rushed out the door and ran. I ran all the way back to South Park, cold, broken, and alone.

After Vera rejected me I practically went insane. I started sleeping with anyone, my standards had fell to zero. I needed something to get my mind off her so I started smoking pot and drinking -which is where my reputation comes from-, which led to more zero standards sex. I was a complete wreck, for two and a half years (I only knew Vera for a year and a half)I was a pot smoking sex addict. Then, during the middle of freshman year...

Butters and I became friends.

And now...here I am, lonely and in love..._again_. Fuck, loves a bitch, ain't in?

The sun is touching the school buildings, which means it's probably around five-thirty, six. I sit up and head home, well...not _home_ home anyway. Today while I was in school my parents moved all my stuff into my new apartment. Funny, I had brought Butters with me to check it out, thinking he would be there with me on the first night. Of course, he wasn't very happy my parents were kicking me out on my birthday, but I assured him I'd be alright...hm, how come I'm not?

I walked to the large building that held my apartment. It wasn't a suburb apartment that contains many building, it was a whole building with five stories and I was just lucky enough to be on the fifth. The location wasn't necessarily_ bad_ either. It rested on the borderline between the poor and middle class South Park, and that was pretty damn good for someone who grew up right in the middle of the ghetto.

The apartment wasn't bad either. One bedroom, a kitchen, a bathroom, and a small living room. Overall not back for three hundred seventy dollars a month. A bargain if you ask me. An apartment, even a crappy one like mine, is usually around seven hundred a month. My parents told me they'd cover the first month, so I have exactly a moth to get a job. I wonder if they'll hire me at the mechanic's shop near the quicky mart, it's not that far from here, and I should make enough money to get by there.

When I enter the apartment building, there's a guy of about twenty with light brown hair and green eyes sitting at the counter flipping a playboy magazine. "Excuse me", I say, tapping my fingertips on the front desk. He puts down the magazine and asks me what I want, "My name is Kenny McKormic, my parents said they'd leave my key here."

"Oh." He opens a drawer behind the desk and pulls out a small key with a orange, yarn string tied through the hole. "Here ya go. Your room ninety-three on the fifth floor."

I tell him thank you even though I already know where my room is and head towards the elevator; the guy at the desk yells at me, "Hey! Be careful, that thing brakes down sometimes!"

"Lovely." I mutter as the door open.

I stand in front of a door that says '93' in gold painted, plastic numbers. I take the key out and unlock the door. I take a deep breath before swinging the door open and looking inside. The place looks a little nicer with furniture in it, not by much, but still. From the looks of it, they've furnished it with crap from the backyard. There's an old couch with a 80's floral print on it sitting in the living room, in front of if is a small coffee table, in front of _that_ is a old TV with a coat hanger antenna, and a plate on the counter in the kitchen.

I go for the plate. It's a fairly large plate with a generous helping of beef stroganoff, green beans, and two biscuits all wrapped in plastic wrap with a note laid on the top that reads:

"_We love you Kenny_

_-mom_"

Hm, maybe they do, maybe they don't, but at least they left me some food. Points mom.

I put the plate in the microwave (Thank god this place has one.) after removing the plastic wrap. As soon as it's ready I open a couple drawers to see if they left me any silverware. The last drawer I open has a box of opened plastic forks, knives, and spoons. Eh, it'll work.

I sit down on the couth placing the plate on my lap and start eating, my mom may be a lousy drunk, but she sure can cook when she tries...or maybe it's because I haven't eaten since Tuesday (It's Friday) when Stan gave me his lunch when he lost his apatite because Cartman flashed us his six pack. Food after three days? Delicious.

After I finish, I set my plate in the sink and head back to the couch and see if I can get any channels on the TV. The only thing that'll work is channel twelve and it's broadcasting some CSI shit, whatever.

After about two house or so my eyelids start feeling heavy and right as I'm about to go to sleep...

_BANG BANG BANG!!_

It shocks me so much I run to the door and before even looking to see who's there. My ghetto kid instinct kicks in and I say, "Officer I didn't see-" I stop in my tracks when I see who's at the door: a teary-eyed, shaking blonde boy.

"Butters?!"

* * *

The last part of this chapter WOULD NOT WRITE. It all seemed so awkward as I wrote it, everything seemed kinda rushed, I hope you all didn't notice it too. So yeah, the next chapter will be out soon so wait, alright?

Review and junk, kay?


	4. Kenny is My Guardian

First thing I want to say is I'm _so_ sorry for not updating, I got grounded and yeah...my mom took my computer away...

So without Further a do...

Enjoy~

* * *

"_The heart has eyes which the brain knows nothing of."_

_- Charles Perkhust_

"Butters?!"

He didn't say anything, he just kept sobbing into his hands. I touched his shoulder, he jumped back, and I saw his eyes; he's terrified right now. "Butters? Do you want to come in?"

He nodds slowly, rubbing his eyes. When he sits down the first thing I ask is, "Butters...what happened?"

He's still for a moment, my words leaving him temporarily paralyzed. He shakes his head 'no' then starts to cry. My arms wrap around him, on their own it seems. He looks up at my face; I hold him tight. "Butters...", I say for what seems to be the tenth time, "What happened?"

"I told him no." I freeze, Butters has just spoken and the words echo in my body like a church bell.

I start to get serious, grab Butters' shoulders, and stare into his gaze. "Who'd you tell no, and _why_?"

"I told him no." He says, his eyes tearing up again. "I told him no. I told him no. I told him _no_, Kenny! Why did he do it anyway?!"

"WHO?!" I yell, he's taken back a little by my screaming, but it's not stopping him. Not by far.

His eyes become so watery he probably can't see properly out of them anymore and cries out, "Clyde! I told _Clyde_ no!"

He grasps my shoulders like he's going to fall off a cliff if he doesn't. His head falls onto my chest and tears start pouring down his face, getting my shirt wet. I'm pissed now. "What the _fuck_ did he do to you?!"

A muffled sob comes from Butters' frail body and he up at me and says, "He..."

I can't take it anymore. His sobbing face is ripping my heart in two. I place my finger over his lips and stop him from saying anymore. "Shh, It's okay. You don't have to say anymore." I embrace him with one arm around his waist, the other in his hair. "It's almost one in the morning. Let's go to sleep, okay?"

He swallows hard and nods slowly. He follows me into my bedroom where we both end up laying in silence; I can't sleep. Neither can he, I can tell by the way he's breathing. The whole situation isn't settling too well with me. I don't like the fact he says it's got something to do with Clyde...What did he do?

- - -

Without realizing it, I must have fallen asleep while basking in my thoughts because it's morning now. Butter is still asleep...either that or he's _really_ good faking it. Last night's events are still haunting me, but I'm trying to on the bright side of things. Well, at least Butters is with me for right now. This much is enough for now.

Butters' breathing begins to get uneven; he awake now. "Butters", I say placing my hand on his head; he jumps a little, but I pay no mind, "Are you okay?"

A shrug comes as his reply, and he turns to look at me and says, "Kenny, I had a nightmare...about last night."

"Really?" I squeak out, I'm still a little worried he's going to burst into tears again. "What happened...If your ready to talk about it, that is."

His face is expressionless as he turns to the ceiling; his arms are folded over his body. "No...I don't mind. I trust ya Kenny." He sighs loudly before he begins. "Well ya see, I went over to Clyde's house 'cause he picked me up from school. I ended up tellin' my parents I was stayin' the night 'cause Clyde's on their list of 'acceptables'...It was gettin' late and Clyde's parents had been gone for a while, and I was gettin' tired so I laid down on his bed and..." He starts to shake like he's going to cry again, but no tears fall or even appear in his beautiful blue eyes. "H-he pinned me down a-and started to-touchin' me. A-at fist it was just my neck and chest but then...Oh Kenny! I feel so disgusting! How can you even stand to look at me?!"

"Butters!" I yell at him. "Don't you _ever_ talk about yourself that way! I can't stand _not_ to look at you!"

His eyes brighten as he looks at me and he says with much enthusiasm, "Really!?"

"Yeah. Butters your amazing no matter what anyone says and no matter what happens, and today I'm gonna kick Clyde's ass for what he did to you! He's gonna missin' limbs when I'm done with him!"

He sits up and looks at me. "Kenny...is that really such a good idea? I mean gee, I know Clyde did those things, but does he deserve his limbs torn off?"

"He deserves his dick torn off for what he did!" I cannot help but be furious, I love Butters a lot more than I _should_ love someone of the same sex. He's the only light in my path to self-destruction, as Emo as that sounds. "I should go to his house right now and kick his sorry ass!"

"Let's start with breakfast, okay?" Butters says, an agreement coming from his stomach.

I'm just about to get up and check my empty kitchen for something to eat when I realize I'm no longer home. My stomach growls, no amount of food the day before could keep this damn thing from grumbling. "Right." I say, stretching out the 'I'. I look over to my wallet, which is sitting on the floor next to my bed (I have no bed frame, so the mattress just sits on the floor) "Well, if memory severs me I probably don't have much on my but...", I grab my wallet from the floor and look inside, "I've got twelve dollars...want to go to McDonald's and get a McGriddle?"

Butters rubs his stomach and says, "That sounds good. Do you have a change of clothes?"

"I think you'll just have to wear those pants again, but I _do_ have a shirt you can wear." I get up and go to my dresser. "It's cold, and I mean _really_ cold so you can wear my parka and I'll wear hoodie."

"But Kenny!" He yells in concerned voice. "You'll freeze without a jacket!"

"I'll be alright", I explain, "I grew up with no heater, I think I'll be fine."

I throw him my parka and black band tee Stan got me at last year's warped tour. I actually hated the tee-shirt. Stan only bought it for me because I couldn't afford a ticket; I punched for him it.

Butters gets up to go to the bathroom and I say dryly, "Butters?" I wait for a nod. "We shower together in gym. I've seen your chest before."

He blushes, gives a quick nod, and says, "R-right."

He slowly unbuttons his shirt and I can't help but feel a little turned on. He looks so innocent and sweet. I just wanna pounce on him, but at the same time I wanna cuddle him like a teddy bear, but I can't do that. Not after what happened. Maybe just a comforting hug...

He's zipping up my parka as I walk towards him. His back is turned away and he doesn't put the hood on like I normally do. He turns around and I embrace him. He blushes and looks up at my face, my eyes are closed and I'm actually fighting tears; I say softly, "I'm sorry."

His innocent curiosity shines as he asks me, "For what?"

My lips and hands and hole body tremble as I tell him, "For not protecting you. I knew he would make you do something you didn't want to and I was too stupid to warn you...I'm so sorry Butters. From now on, I'll always protect you, okay?"

He smiles and returns my hug. "Okay. Kenny is my guardian."

"Now", I say, wiping the tears from my eyes and forcing a smile, "how about that Mcgriddle?"

- - -

When we get our food, Butters is the first to speak, "Kenny?"

"Yeah?"

He's blushing like crazy and I can't help but smile, he's so cute. "I didn't ask out Clyde."

My sandwich falls from my hands and a loud crunching sound comes from the paper beneath on impact. "What?!"

"I-I didn't ask out Clyde! He-He asked me out and I-I said yes. I don't even ah...like Clyde!" He confesses; My heart crumbles.

"Then why did you say yes?!" This whole situation is just breaking my heart. Why would he leave his best friend to fend for himself if he didn't even like the damn guy?!

"Because...", he starts to blush again and takes a long pause, "'cause-'cause...well..."

I grind my teeth a bark out, "Just spit it out already!"

"I wanted to ask you out!" he blurts out. My eyes shoot open wide; his start to tear up. "I wanted ta ask you out, Kenny. I really like you...you're the only person who doesn't tell me to shut up whenever I talk, and actually considers my ideas instead of immediately rejecting them just because they're childish or girly. I like you so much it hurts! B-but, then you told me that we were too different and I thought 'might as well give up' when Clyde asked me out, but...I can't give up on you Kenny! I like you...maybe even love you Kenny!"

[Ya know, as mood killing as it is, I never thought someone would confess to me outside of a McDonald's.]

I open my mouth to say something, but words wont seem to form. I'm confused, so very confused. Butters likes _me_? Love didn't screw me over this time? What the _fuck_ is going on here?!

Butters finally speaks again, "Kenny...that-that was a major confession...wasn't it?" I nod, it's the only thing I can do. I'm still in a temporary state of shock. He blushes. "And normally a confession needs a acceptance or a rejection...right?"

I nod again. I know what he trying to say. He wants to know if I like him too, but I can't tell him. I would ruin Butters, which is the only thing that keeps me from pulling anything perverted on him. I swallow hard and finally words come out, "Butters I..."

He leans over and his lips cover mine. My eyes open wide and I start to kiss back. He tastes too good to resist. His sweet soft lips are trembling and he starts getting weak under my control. I dart my tongue out into his mouth and he lets out a tiny, almost inaudible moan. His mouth tastes like sirup and honey and I can't resist it, I explore his mouth. I slide my tongue over his pearly white teeth and down farther into his mouth. That's when he starts fighting back, lashing his tongue out at mine and he moans again, a little louder than last time, and it wakes me up.

I dart back and look at Butters. He's confused. "What's uh...wrong Kenny? Am I not good at k-kissin'?"

"No", I assure him, "Your great at that, but...I'm not exactly sure I'm what your looking for Butters. I like you, and you like me, but...I'm no good for you. Your so innocent and pure and I'm so disgusting and perverted...were opposites, so why do you like me so much?"

He laughs and I'm tempted to kiss him as he just did to me. "I already told you why silly, because you're the only one who sticks by me when no one else will...maybe that wasn't the case when we were kids but...it is now, and that's a-okay by me."

I lean in for another kiss and he is the first to pull away. I look at him confused. "I'm so glad you like me too Kenny. This is probably the happiest moment of my life, so...thank you. I never thought I'd feel this way, and you made it possible. Thank you so much." He embraces me tightly and my arms wrap around him as if by themselves. "Unfortunately....I really need to get home. My parents are going to ground me for not coming home last night if something was wrong, so...", he places a soft kiss on my lips, "Bye Kenny." He gets up and walks away slowly not even bothering to look back.

I watch him until he's out of sight.

- - -

I shove my hands into my pockets and head towards the mechanic's shop. I mean, hey, I'm out, might as well see if they'll hire me, right?

I reach a fairly small mechanic garage and look at the sign that reads 'Hal's Mechanics' and walk into the open garage, only to see Mr. Her walking out of his office while cleaning some random car part. He asks, "How can I help ya?"

"Um, are you hiring? You see, I've just been emancipated, and I kind of need a job." I hate to sound desperate, _but_ I've got bills to pay.

He scratches his head and looks to the sky before saying, "I dunno, what kind of job ya lookin' fer kid? All of our office positions er filled."

"That's okay!" I assure him. "I'm more of a mechanic anyway."

He gives me a reluctant look and stays that way for a short time before saying, "I'm not so sure I should let you work on the cars, ya see, were not doin' so great lately and I ain't go no money to spend on accidents you make."

"Don't worry, I've been working on cars since I was seven. I have a good nine years of experience. Please Mr. Her, I need this job."Again, begging disgusts me, but god damn it I need this job! He sits and thinks for a long while and I say, sounding even more desperate, "Please Mr. Her, I need this job. I'm a great mechanic, just let me prove it to you!"

He puts his hand to his chin and rubs his small beard, "hm..." he looks a different direction, "hm..." another direction, "hm..."

I'm starting to get pissed at this point and finally I yell, "Can I have the job or not?!"

He seems to snap from a trance, "what?...oh, okay kid, show up next week at one and we'll see if you can fit the part then."

I'm ecstatic, I almost jump with joy, but I know that would be unprofessional, so instead I hold out my hand and say, "Thank you so much Mr. Her."

He returns my hand shake and nods, then turns around, and heads back into the garage.

- - -

The distance is short but my walk home feels more like a journey than a stroll. I mean, between thinking about Butters and resisting the temptation to enter the all too near Red Light District my brain is cramped. I have to get home _quick_.

When at last I reach my apartment I turn around and slam then lock the door. All my thoughts about hookers and Butters began to mash together and now my pants are tight and I can't think strait. All I can think about is Butters giving me a lap dance while striping himself, and need less to say...I need a bathroom.

I may be one of the horniest bastards in South Park, but masturbation has never been something I enjoy. It's like lying to yourself, ya know? I can get sexual release from just about anyone I want so I've never really _had_ to worry about 'fulfilling the need' so to speak, and I would, really, I would, but I can't. Not with Butters on my mind.

I run to the bathroom and lock the door and no sooner do I sit down do I realize how hard I've become between entering my apartment building and getting to my apartment.

As if by some kind of sick reaction, as soon as my pants come down my hand wraps around my throbbing member and I stroke it slowly to begin. My imagination must really like to get creative because when I close my eyes, there's Butters, stark naked, riding me and my cock jumps completely hard when this happens. (I mean, Butters may be the sweetest thing ever, but that doesn't mean I don't want to drag him in a closet and have my way with him from time to time)

After that embarrassing ordeal is over (clean-up and everything under the sun.) my phone rings, which is strange because no one should have my number except my parents, and they don't give a rat's ass about me.

I get up and answer the phone, "Hello?"

A very familiar voice answers back; Stan. "_What the _fuck _Kenny?!_"

"What?"

"_How come you didn't tell me or Kyle that you moved out?! And on you _birthday_ dude!_" For a split second I almost think I'm talking to Kyle. _Almost_. No one can yell quite like Kyle, well...maybe except his mom...

"Didn't think it mattered. Butters knew. How'd you get this number anyway?"

A large, angry sigh comes before he says, "_I called you parents to see if you'd moved out yet and they gave me this number...uh, hold on, Cartman's calling..._"

There's silence coming from Stan's end and all I can think about is how confused I am. I don't get it, when did Stan and Kyle start caring about me anyway? They never cared all those times I died...Butters was the only one who bothered to show up to all my funerals...could it be that -

"_Kenny?!_"

"What?"

His voice sounds so concerned as he says, "_It's Butters, he's in the hospital. We-We're not sure what happened yet..._"

My body freezes, I hang up and run out the door.

* * *

yeah...sorry about all the drama, but I have to keep you guys interested, right? Well, I don't know when the next update will be, hopefully in two or three weeks at the most.

Until next time,

-Lilly Lane


	5. Steps

**Okay first I was to tell you all how _insanely _sorry I am for not updating. **

**I lost inspiration and have just recently gained it back.**

** I'm going to make sure I finish this story. **

**Just trust me, okay? **

**A LOT as happened and things just _happen_.**

** I just got back from Maryland with my best friend and well...I've been neglecting _all_ my talents lately**

**...I know...I've been bad...**

**I'm sorry okay?  
**

* * *

"_For a small is a great and a great is a small" _

_-Alfred Edward Housman, The Road_

I run as fast as I can to Hell's Pass Hospital, despite how much I hate this place almost more than I hate Cartman. When I arrive I bust through the doors and quickly ask the young woman at the front desk where Butters' room is. After she tells me I run off, not bothering to listen to all the nurses and doctors telling me I can't run in the hospital.

I bust through the doors, revealing Butters and his parents. His mom is balling her eyes out; his dad is trying to comfort her. They really do make me sick. They don't give a damn about Butters and they know it. If they did this would have never happened. He would have been safe and well. He's almost seventeen! Why the hell doesn't he have a cell phone? I mean, sure I don't have one, but I'm shit broke. Ugh, I wish they would die so he could live with me, and we would be happy forever and I could always keep him safe.

Butters' eyes light up when he sees me. He smiles brightly and says to me, "Kenny! I'm so glad you came!" He looks over at his parents and whispers something I can't quite hear to his dad. His dad in return nods takes his sobbing wife and they exit the room. Thank god.

I rush over to Butters and give hug him tightly. He seems surprised at first, but his arms slowly wrap over my body as well. I pet his face with my thumb and ask him, "Butters…what the hell happened?"

He's quiet for a long time. He keeps looking at the ceiling and then the floor and then around the room. I open my mouth to tell him he doesn't have to tell me if he doesn't want to, but before I can he speaks. "C-Clyde did this…While I was w-walkin' home. He as me ah…walking w-with your jacket on and he ah…got real angry. He started sc-screamin' at me real loud and he said…awful mean things to me Kenny. He ripped your jacket off m-me and started punchin' me and callin' me a no good two timin' cheater. It was terrible Kenny. I was so lucky Eric came for me…I don't know what would have happened had he not walked by once Clyde finished. He called an ambulance and stayed with me the whole entire time."

'_I'll have to thank that son of whore later then…ugh I'm gonna hate that…' _I smile and say to him softly, "I'm so glad you're not seriously injured." I hug him again and kiss his forehead lightly. "Don't worry Butters. Clyde's not getting away with this. Just wait. He'll get what's coming to him."

"It's okay Kenny, r-really. Like you said I'm not seriously injured. The doctor said I can leave tonight as long as I don't push myself." He smiles and says brightly, "I know I may look like one, but I'm not girl."

I narrow my eyes. "I'm sorry Butters, but I'm not taking this lightly. That fuck can mess with anyone he wants, even me, but when he thinks he can mess with _you_. He thought pretty fuckin' wrong."

Butters bites his lip and smiles. "K-kick his ass Kenny"

I lean over and place a light kiss on Butters' soft, perfect lips and whisper, "I intend to."

The walk to Clyde's house is probably one of the greatest walks I've taken in my whole entire life. I know for a fact that Clyde can't fight for shit. I'm actually surprised he had the balls to fuck with Butters knowing I would come after him, but hey, maybe the dumb fuck thought I wouldn't. Oh well! More fun for me, I have been waiting for a chance to beat the fuck out Clyde for while now, so I will enjoy this…a _lot._

I walk to the front door of Clyde's house and knock lightly. He answers after a short while and I say in a calm voice. "Hello Clyde, can you step outside for a moment? I'd like to have a word with you."

He stares at me with his hand rested on the doorway. He's scared, I can tell because he's trying so hard to act like he's not by pulling a 'cool guy' move and staring at me while bent in his doorway. His voice shakes in the beginning as he says, "Sure. I don't see why not."

I smirk and move out of the way so he can walk out. He walks to the end of his driveway and I follow. My eyebrows meet and I look at Clyde, pissed as hell. I clench my fists and yell at him, "You _knew_ I would come for you. You fucking _knew it_. Butters is in the hospital because of you!" I grab his shirt and lift him up off the ground. "So tell me, _Clyde_, why'd you do it? What makes you think you can touch Butters like that? What the _fuck_ did he do?"

His eyes clench shut and it pisses me off even more. "Look at me while I'm fucking talking to you bastard!"

His eyes open slowly and he opens his mouth to speak. I was gonna let him, but then I realize I came here to kick his pussy wit ass, not here and explanation. I drop him and he almost loses his balance. I take this opportunity and punch him in the face with all my strength. "Fucking piece of shit!" I scream as I throw another punch into his face. His nose then slowly begins to ooze bloody goo, and it makes me smile. He leans over and winces in pain, grabbing his nose and I knee him in the stomach. I can feel his organs squished against my knee and he coughs up a little blood. The liquid flies on to the pavement and I stare at it. I want more to come out of that fucking bastard, so much more.

He quickly falls to the ground after the knee to the stomach and curls into the fetal position.  
He's pathetic. I almost feel bad I beat him to a bloody pulp…_almost_. I lean down and whisper into his ear, "The next time you mess with Butters…I won't be so nice…I haven't seen enough of your blood to satisfy me yet."

Now that I'm back at the hospital, I smile as the automatic doors slide open and I walk through them, whistling a tune that's oddly familiar even though I have no clue what it is. That lady working at the front desk looks at me as though I've gone mad. Probably because the last time I entered here I was in frenzy, but not now. I'm happier than a person jacked up on happy pills.

I take my time walking to Butters' room. I'm sure he wants to see me, but this walk feels like a success walk; like a person must feel after getting accepted to really nice college. Yeah something like that. I think beating the shit out of Clyde was almost better than sex…_almost_.

I reach Butters' room about fifteen minutes after my arrival. I look around the room and see that his parents have yet to return. This would have pissed me off if I hadn't been in such a great mood and I hadn't had the urge to make-out with Butters, but since I did…things were great!

Butters looks up happily, obviously relieved that I'm okay. "So…how'd it go?"

I smirk. "It went…well"

Butters looks down and bites his lip nervously before saying, "He's not gonna…come after me…right?"

"No." I reply quickly. I taught him a damn good lesson about messing with Butters and I'm sure he won't forget it…_ever_. I slowly walk towards Butters' hospital bed where Butters is propped up, looking relieved. I smile. "I'm glad to see your looking so much better."

His eyes open wide and he blushes a dark, deep red. "Uh…yeah! I haven't been in a better mood since this morning!"

His chipper smile brightens my day once more. I smirk remembering our moment outside McDonald's. I lean over and kiss his forehead. Smiling I say, "That's good to hear."

"…Kenny?" Butters says while looking down and blushing in a way that I've seen before…I'm gonna get something good. "Can we…start where you uh, _stopped_ th-this morning."

I'm taken back a little, Butters wants to make-out? Fucking sweet! He stares as his sheets rubbing his knuckles together. I smile. I love that nervous habit he has. I grab his chin maintaining my smile-slash-smirk now with my thumb holding his bottom lip open. "Sure."

I press my lips against his eager ones. He immediately responds after a small jump. We kiss over and over until he opens his mouth, wanting more. I happily oblige by sliding my tongue into his beautiful mouth the next time we connect for a kiss. He jumps and lets out a soft moan like sigh. His tongue animates and flicks out at mine, occasionally meeting for a long, pressured lick. Butters shutters a little bit and lets out another soft moan. I can tell it's been a while for him.

I remember the day Butters came to me crying after he lost his virginity. (You thought he was seventeen with a V-card? You'd be wrong.) He was only sad because he couldn't remember who it was. He went to a cousin's birthday party in West Park, innocently drank punch without realizing it was spiked, and woke up the next morning in a empty bed and a sore ass. He spent almost the whole day in my lap. All I could do was rub his back and tell him it everything was going to be okay. He got grounded for hanging out with me.

Butters breaks our kiss and stares at me biting his lip in a flirty manor; it makes my pants a bit tighter than the awkward, uncomfortable state they're already in, but then his eyes start shuffling around the room. It makes me _extremely_ nervous. He takes a deep breath and says quickly, "youshouldgooutwithme!"

A wave of emotions flies through me. I'm so fucking happy, I'm so fucking shocked, I'm so fucking relieved…but more than anything I feel…_loved._

I smile and hug him tightly kissing his face all over then finally landing on his lip whispering into them, "I'd love that."

The rest of the day is surprisingly calm. I'm extremely surprised Clyde's parents have yet pay me a visit. They probably think him getting his ass beat is 'good' for him and it'll make him 'tougher'. He'll show up at school next week holding hands with some sleazy ass chick. He'll forget he and Butters ever happened. I have to make note to kick his ass again…and again and again.

I end up back in my apartment after leaving the hospital; Butters' parents showed up and, as much as I hate them, I didn't want them to feel awkward about visiting their son in the hospital, so I left. I wanted to hold him tight and kiss his beautiful face before leaving, but that would've probably cause a lot of problems for Butters and that's the _last_ thing I want to do, so I didn't.

I'm happy to know that Butters will be released from the hospital tonight; I wish he was coming home with _me_, but that won't happen. His parents, being grateful for visiting their son in the hospital, have invited me for dinner and boy does that sound good. I haven't eaten yesterday and the smell of home cooking is stained into my mind.

I sit in my apartment, the windows are open and a nice, early-summer night breeze begins rolling in. The swamp cooler isn't on since I can't use too much energy so I'm not completely without it. For night time it's pretty damn hot outside. It feels like high eighties. That's what sucks about living in the mountains; it's freezing in the winter and boiling hot in the summer.

The phone rings and I slowly walk to pick it up hoping it's not Stan or Kyle ready to bitch at me this late at night. I pick up the phone and answer with an uninterested, "Hello?"

A sobbing, concerned voice answers back, "Ken-Kenny? It's m-me Bu-Butters. M-my p-p-parents are f-fighting and um…ca-can I come o-over?"

I immediately answer, "Of course you can. Do you want me to meet you somewhere?" Fuck I hate when this happens. I feel like strangling his parents. If they don't love each other why don't they get a fucking divorce?

"C-can you meet me at the c-c-convenient store b-by my house? I-I c-can't w-w-walk by m-myself for much l-longer th-than that…"

I smile. I know he can't see it, but I'm comforted by the thought I'll get to see him. "Yeah. Just hold on, okay?"

"Okay. Th-thank you Kenny. I'll see you s-soon"

"Please don't thank me, and I'll see you."

I hang up and look around my small mess of boxes for the bike I won in this contest during eighth grade. Doesn't have many memories since we always cruise around in Cartman's or Stan's car, but when they're not around…It gets the job done.

I pull the bike from my mess of boxes and quickly head down the hall. Its five flights of stairs down to the bottom floor since the elevator is broken. I almost loose the bike twice because I'm rushing so much. As soon as I get to the bottom floor I hop on my bike and bust through the double doors; pedaling as fast as I can to Butters.

I reach the corner store and Butters is walking through the small parking lot. I ride up to him, panting and sweaty. I smile as I tell him, "Hop on."

He nods and quickly climbs onto the pegs of my bike, and with that, we head off home.

* * *

**Do you _love_ it?**

**...**

**Sorry, Spongebob moment...**

**Anyhoo, again I can't tell you how sorry I am for not updating.**

**You can shun me if you please...**

**I deserve it.**

**Review please! Maybe I'll get some more inspiration!  
**


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